The Truth About Infidelity and Alcohol Addiction

Infidelity and addiction are two subjects people rarely discuss together, but the truth is, they’re deeply intertwined. I recently opened up about my own experience on Julia’s podcast, Soberly Speaking. I shared my struggles with cocaine and alcohol addiction and, for the first time in a while, talked about the infidelity that came with it—a truth I carried a lot of shame around. To be honest it's still something I think about.

For years, I believed I was a terrible person. There were times I even compared myself to a serial killer because the guilt was that consuming. That perception of myself only made me drink more, searching for any way to numb the pain and escape the shame.

It wasn’t until I got sober that I began to understand how alcohol distorts our brain chemistry. And while this doesn’t mean avoiding responsibility for my actions, it does mean recognising how addiction affects the brain, altering behavior and perception.

The saying “once a cheater, always a cheater”? I don’t buy it. When you’re caught up in alcohol addiction, your brain craves hits of dopamine—the reward chemical that gives you a fleeting sense of pleasure. The more you drink, the more you need to achieve that same high, and eventually, alcohol alone isn’t enough.

That’s when love addiction often comes into play. The brain seeks out other ways to feel good, and one of the most powerful sources of reward is connection with others. Oxytocin, known as the "love hormone," is usually released during moments of emotional bonding or physical closeness, giving us that warm, connected feeling. Ideally, we get our first doses of oxytocin from our caregivers growing up; they nurture, soothe, and show us love, which helps us regulate emotions and feel secure.

However, when a child doesn’t receive consistent, nurturing care—whether through neglect, trauma, or other disruptions—their oxytocin system may not develop optimally. This can make them more vulnerable as adults, craving oxytocin intensely because their brains are searching for the emotional connection they didn’t receive earlier in life.

As adults, this vulnerability can show up as chasing intense, forbidden or unhealthy relationships to fill that need. You might’ve heard the term "love bombing"—yep, that was me. I was a chronic love bomber, or sometimes I’d find myself on the other side, being the one love-bombed. When alcohol wasn’t cutting it anymore, I’d go looking for people who could give me that hit of attention and validation. I think with cheating there is always this illusion that you must be the special one if they are cheating with you, making you feel even more validated. The oxytocin rush from those connections—especially when mixed with substances—created this illusion of closeness. It was a temporary fix, but one I kept chasing.

The combination of dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins creates a chemical storm in the brain, making it incredibly difficult to pull away from these patterns without help. For those who have experienced trauma or an unstable upbringing, these chemicals may not balance out the way they do for someone who had a secure foundation. The brain starts desperately seeking out the chemical comfort it missed out on in childhood, making it easy to get caught in these cycles.

But understanding this in sobriety has been a game-changer for me. It’s helped me recognise that I am not my past mistakes, and I am not defined by the worst things I did while drinking. It also reinforces my belief that, with the right support, these cycles can be broken.

If any of this resonates with you, or if you’ve felt that pull between alcohol, relationships, and the need for validation, I encourage you to check out the podcast episode HERE

It’s just two friends sitting on the couch having a honest chat at what addiction can do and how understanding these patterns can be the first step toward breaking them.

And if you’re ready to explore what recovery could look like for you or want to discuss therapy around loved addiction - send me an email [email protected]

We’ll dive into where you are now, where you want to be, and how we can get you there.